


I Am Not Your Lapcat

by kiwilapple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humanstuck, Loophole, Petstuck, UFUT, Unwanted Free Ugly Troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1247587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwilapple/pseuds/kiwilapple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vet Equius Zahhak finds a feral troll in the park and attempts to tame her.</p><p>This fic is VERY HEAVILY DRAWN from coldhope (ceruleancynic)'s work, "Unwanted Free Ugly Troll." Equius Zahhak and Feferi Peixes as depicted here are from her story. The Nepeta is my own(?). This is NOT UFUT CANON. This is fanfiction for ceruleancynic's piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Not Your Lapcat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [coldhope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldhope/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Unwanted Free Ugly Troll](https://archiveofourown.org/works/477092) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> This fic is VERY HEAVILY DRAWN from coldhope (ceruleancynic)'s work, "Unwanted Free Ugly Troll." Equius Zahhak and Feferi Peixes as depicted here are from her story. The Nepeta is my own(?). This is absolutely NOT CANON TO THE AU SHE HAS MADE. And please read her collaborator saccharinesylph's Loophole. Both very good. Both very much not mine.
> 
> Homestuck characters are and always will be Andrew Hussie's, though.
> 
> I already put this fic on my tumblr blog, kiwilapple, but I wanted to put it here so it was a little more accessible. I hope you guys like it!

Your name is Dr. Equius Zahhak, and you were not prepared for the startle you received that night.  
You'd been walking home from the grocery store rather than driving, simply to enjoy the air, night sky clear and glittering far above your head. You were hoping you could cook something particularly special tonight for your... er... Goodness, you couldn't even think the word without blushing. If she could see you now she'd let out one of those marvelous giggles of hers and nudge your shoulder, saying it for you.  
"Girlfriend, Equius, just say it! I want to hear it out of your mouth!" Yes, she'd done it before, and you knew full well she would not hesitate to do it again.  
She was indeed your... Girlfriend. Your lover, your confidante, your partner, in both love and business. You'd smiled a bit and increased your pace, eager now to be home where she'd be waiting. You were passing the park now, unafraid of the shadowy trees but still giving them a thorough glance, just in case. Nothing. At least, you're fairly sure.  
Suddenly there'd been a bubbling screeching caterwaul and something shot hissing past your legs into a bush, too fast to see, but slamming your heart into your throat as you stumbled back a step and sputtered a small curse, immediately regretting your lapse as you caught your breath. A cat? The sound was right, but the size... If that had been a cat, it was monstrous.  
You shook your head and walked on, scanning the darkness for any sign of it.

Perhaps it was thoughts of the beast that had led you back here. Why else would you now be walking along the dirt paths of the park, weilding a small portion of cat food? It was likely a pet, wandering at night, but you did like to check up, as you'd made clear before. You don't epect to find it, but if you do... You just hope that it's alright. You think you'd be a tad peeved if it was a stray, or hurt, or sick, or pregnant. Too many homeless kittens for safety in a city like this. You scan the treeline again, then seat yourself on one of the benches less sticky with sap and spilled drinks and God knew what else. It was a nice day. You should have brought Feferi. Or a book. Or music. Perhaps you should have thought this through.  
You knew a stray or even feral cat would be wary of you. You most likely wouldn't even see the poor creature today. Perhaps never again. Yes, this was a terrible idea, and you roll your eyes at yourself and purse your lips.  
"Waste of time, that was genius, Zahhak, absolute brilliance from a distinguished veterinarian." Sighing, you stand, rubbing your neck and laying the other hand against your hip, then get the feeling something is watching you. If you just... turn your head... slowly... moving your eyes... toward that shadow in the bushes...  
Oh.  
Those are not cat's eyes.  
They look like cat's eyes, but you would know that coloring anywhere. Months, no, years of experience had drilled the hues into your memory, and you're hit by a new sense of urgency.  
Those are troll's eyes.  
Staring at you, up into your eyes, the pupils dilated in... fear, you think, which makes you frown. They don't blink. Catlike, or afraid? You step back, and the eyes flick out of view, leaving darkness. You back away further, glancing behind you to make sure you don't trip or startle the troll in the park. There's no movement, so you keep backing up, then freeze as a small hand with sharp nails grips onto the bench arm.  
The troll is climbing onto the seat, and it- oh. She. Hm. Well. You'd have to bring clothes, the scrap hanging off her lean arms is not cutting it. She reaches for the baggie and tears it open with her teeth, and you can see every bone shifting under wiry muscles. You want to stop her, to tell her that she shouldn't be eating cat food, but her ears prick before you can move, and she STARES at you.  
You melt inside. Her eyes are so wide, so frightened and angry, and her lips pull back in a hiss. Her lip is marred, pulled up in the middle in a harelip. This upsets you slightly as you stare back at the little troll, scanning her for any kind of injury.  
She is hurt, but not majorly. her cheek is smudged with green, as is a cut on her arm. An oliveblood. Her hair is choppy and matted, just reaching past her chin in the front and fading to past her shoulders at the back. The ends are bedraggled and sopping wet. Does she chew her hair off? That couldn't be healthy. Slowly, very slowly, you hold out a hand and crouch down to her level.  
She bolts, jamming the ziploc bag in between her teeth and leaping off the bench. You open your mouth to speak, but let her go. This was no stray. That little troll was feral.

Trudging home empty handed, you hang your coat up at the door and collapse into a chair, thinking about the oliveblooded feral living in the park. Feferi wasn't home. Letting you have your day off, she was probably bustling around and being very effective at running the practice. You'd have to make it up to her soon.  
You dust off your knees and sigh, then go to a cabinet and pull out a little bottle of vitamins and a most likely ill-fitting but still better than scrap outfit. You gather some fruit from the table and a bit of cheese and some lunch meat, wrapping the bundle and leaving it in the fridge. You wouldn't push your luck until nightfall. You had some business to attend to until then.

Feferi came home, kissed you soundly in greeting, hung up her coat, then found the bundle in the refrigerator as she searched for a snack.  
"Equius, what is this? You aren't thinking of running away, are you?" She grins and wraps her arms around your neck and you blush.  
"Feferi, you know I would never leave." You think about not telling her about the troll in the park, but when you look up she's gazing you so intently that you know you can't bring yourself to leave anything out.  
"I found a feral troll in the park. An oliveblood, little female. I don't think she'll let anyone near any time soon, but I don't feel right leaving her to her own devices." Feferi is silent a moment, and when you look up at her, you can see it behind her eyes. The Awwwww. Just a moment longer, and...  
"Awwwww!!!" Yes, her eyes are absolutely lit up, and your mouth quirks a smile as you pull her close.  
"Equius!! You have to get her off the street, I can't bear thinking about her being all alone our there!! She isn't hurt, is she? Did you think of calling the ASPCA? Did you feed her? What does she look like?" The slew of inquiries barrel over you, but you don't mind, drinking in her words and answering as best you can. She ends up in your lap, fingers laced behind your neck as you explain.  
"Her hair looks chewed, I'm not sure yet if that's for convenience, if its a coping mechanism, or another of her catlike attributes. I'm bringing food tonight. She's terribly thin, and she was eating cat food this morning. No major injuries, mostly just scrapes and a bruise or two. Her horns remind me a bit of little Karkat's, rounded, though they're bigger and conical. She's really very... cute, yes." You smile to her gently, and she smiles back and pulls you into a kiss quietly. You can't wait for tonight, but right now is certainly not bad either.

After night falls you take your bundle, after a quick kiss to Feferi's cheek, who has her hair up and is studiously working a vacuum through your ground floor, and step out the door toward the park. The entire time you try not to fret, knowing full well this is a feral troll that has likely been on her own for a long time. She knows how to take care of herself. However, you walk briskly to keep the uncertainties out of your mind and focus on letting your feet take you forward.  
You go to where you'd "met" and open the knotted cloth on the ground in front of the bench, laying out fresh clothes, food, and water, then backing away and finding somewhere else to sit. Finding none, the ground makes a fairly good substitute for a chair, and you wait.  
And wait.  
You don't think she's coming. It's been a couple of hours and your knees hurt from sitting on the ground. You're fairly certain these pants are ruined, and you are frankly quite tired. It has been silent except for birds, squirrels, and a couple of giggly young couples who irritated you rather badly. You really don't think she's coming.  
So you stand up, cold and frustrated, and almost walk away right then, but... you stay. Just a few minutes longer. In the cold, in the dark, and in the dew on the ground, but you stay.  
And you are rewarded. The little troll slinks forward out of the trees to your right, instantly spotting you and staring. You watch her carefully, unmoving, hardly breathing, just watching as she slowly crawls forward again, under the bench, then dashes for the food, cramming the smaller fruits in her mouth and deftly twisting the water bottle open. Hm. Feral, and smart. You expected as much, she was a child, after all, though the experience felt more like watching a jungle cat than an urchin. She guzzles the water, licking her lips, then turns her head and stares at you again, eyes wide in the gloom. She doesn't look afraid anymore. She looks fierce.  
You crouch back down again, on your toes, and hold out a hand. Instantly fangs are bared, sharp and meaning business. You try not to flinch, rubbing your fingers together in a soft gesture you would use to attract the attention of cats. She gives you a slightly disgusted look and fishes through what you've left her again. You stop doing that.  
she sits on the ground and sniffs at the clothes, then tugs off her scrap and pulls on the baggy shirt you brought. She doesn't bother with the pants, though, which you frown at. It startles you again when she speaks.  
"What do you want?" She isn't looking at you, but her ear is perked, watchful. Her voice is small and rough, like a growl. She isn't afraid of you. You have to respect her ferocity, issuing so strongly from her tiny frame.  
You answer as softly as you can, using the voice you use with small children and frightened adults.  
"I thought you might be hungry." Her eyes flick up to glare at you.  
"I can feed myself. Are you going to try to take me away?" You blink. Oh. She must have had animal control after her at some point. You shake your head and sit down.  
"I won't move if you don't want me to." It's like speaking to an animal. She relaxes a little, taking another sip of water and watching you from the corner of her eye.  
Then she starts talking to you.  
"Never met a nice one of you before. You don't chase or scream or run or throw things. I've seen you before. Why did you leave that cat food?" Her fingers are picking at the dirty scrap and you watch them as you answer.  
"I mistakenly thought you were a cat." Her eyes flick up to yours and stare again, and you set your teeth nervously. You can't read that expression.  
"Thanks." Her face relaxes, becomes less animalistic and more childlike, though she doesn't smile or look at you kindly.  
You shift your legs under you, and she leaps backward, and you lose the child's face as she crouches and hisses.  
"Don't move!!" You don't, you put up your hands. She doesn't move for a second, teeth bared, then sits back down, even further away than she had been. You watch her as patietly as possible, not saying anything.  
"Who are you?" Now her voice is soft. Your brows quirk, then you answer her just as softly.  
"Dr. Equius Zahhak." She blinks.  
"Doctor?"  
"I'm a veterinarian." Her eyes narrow.  
"...oh."  
"I won't hurt you. What's your name?" She hesitates, and you notice her edge a little closer.  
"Nepeta Leijon..." You nod fractionally, trying not to push it and definitely not moving again.  
"Nepeta, are you hurt anywhere?" She blinks at your question, then glances down at the scratches on her arms, then her fingers flit over the scrape on her cheek.  
"No." Your lips purse at the lie. Or is it a lie to her? Perhaps she's used to these kinds of injuries. But used to or not, they are injuries.  
"Yes. You have cuts on your arms and a scrape on your cheek. I can't tell if there's anything else, but you are injured." She hisses again, but doesn't move back.  
"If you touch me I'll bite you." Baring her fangs again to emphasize the point, she reaches for the cheese and nibbles at it, making a face but continuing to chew.  
"If you don't like it I can bring something else." She blinks.  
"You're bringing more?" You nod, slowly.  
"Yes. Do you want something specific?" Her eyes widen, then she blurts out "Fish!!" and then presses her lips together, glancing away, then back. Now she looks afraid. You frown.  
"You think I'm lying, don't you." The look on her face affirms it. "I won't abandon you." Her face twists.  
"I don't need you. Go away." She hunches down, staring angrily at you, and you set your jaw again and stand slowly. Just before you turn away, you sigh.  
"I'll be back tomorrow at this time with more food." You turn and walk away, trying not to look back at her. You know full well she'll be alright on her own.  
But you can't help but worry anyway.

You bring a grilled fish filet with you, and fruit. You lay them out and sit away from it, though a bit closer than you had been.  
She instantly jumps out from the bushes and makes a beeline for the fish, dashing on all fours and snatching it up in her mouth with a yowl, then skids and pauses.  
"You came back." She has the fish jammed in her mouth, staring at him.  
"I told you I would. I pride myself in being a man of my word, Nepeta." She sits back on her heels and nibbles at the fish filet, but watches him.  
"You're going to keep coming back, aren't you?" You nod and rest your hands on your knees. She eats for a while, then licks her fingers. You can faintly hear a purr.  
"Why do you keep coming back?"  
"To be honest, I'm worried about you." Best to be honest, you think. She blinks at you, then her defenses go back up for a moment.  
"I said I don't need you. I'm fine."  
"I know. And you are. I just want to make sure you will be okay." She keeps staring at you. You aren't used to this. Someone watching you constantly. Even Feferi had things on her mind that distracted her attention from you.  
You hate to ask the next question, but you know you must.  
"Do you have an owner, Nepeta?" You aren't prepared for the hiss and lash toward you, eyes wide and pupils contracted in anger. If she'd had cat's ears, they would be pressed back against her skull.  
"NO!! Why would I want to live with some stupid human and let them treat me like a fucking showcat!?" You blink, then frown at her.  
"Why must you use such language?" Her body shrinks down, and you can almost see her invisible cat ears flick down in shame.  
"I'm sorry." You both sigh, trying to unwind, and watch each other, her warily, you sadly.  
Finally you stand up, stretching your cramping legs, and she first flinches, which you hate, then stretches her neck after you with... and almost yearning expression. This little girl, little Nepeta, is probably not quite as feral as she wants to seem.  
"I'll come again."  
"Tomorrow?" Her face stares up at you, taking hold of your heart and tugging it through the soft flesh of your belly.  
"...No. Not tomorrow. I have to go to work, Nepeta." Her face falls slightly, which hurts, but then it hardens, which crushes you. She's stopped trusting you.  
"Go away." She's turned away from you now, one soft ear perked to hear you leaving. You sigh sadly.  
"I will come back, Nepeta." Now the ear flicks away from you.  
"Don't care. Go away." The way she's holding herself makes her look so small, so needing of a hug, some kind touch. But you simply do not dare.  
Instead you walk slowly home, hang up your coat, explain briefly to Feferi what you'd done, then fall into a deep sleep.

You try to visit as often as possible, you truly do, but it isn't as often as you'd like. Her eyes do light up when she sees you, though, and once or twice she is waiting for you rather than the other way around. You bring food, water, and clothes, and talk, trying to understand. She isn't exactly very responsive. This is very frustrating.  
You've brought a blanket with you tonight. You're exhausted. One of your new patients' owners is a hypochondriac and you have been very drained by the day trying to calm her down enough to tell her that her little "Flopsie", the Newfoundland, does not, in fact, have lead poisoning, but rather indigestion from attempting to devour two pounds of hamburger meat in addition to his own food and the cat's portion. Your eyelids drag up as you swivel around to look for Nepeta.  
A scream lights the air, startling and electrifying you as you instantly straighten. You call out her name, running to the sound. Past the bushes and beyond the trees to another clearing, pushing through to her.  
She's being attacked by a pair of teenage boys, defending a shredded rotted cardboard and stick lean-to. The boys are easily three times her size each, but she hisses and swipes with her razor nails, the cackling leader dancing back to avoid its reach. You shout, but she yowls over you, screaming and swiping at one of her attackers' faces. She leaves a stripe across his cheek, retaliated with a harsh kick at her, and you see her eyes flash and prepare to bite, so you dash. Pushing between the boys, you hardly think as you unfold the blanket in your hands and throw it over the body of your small feral friend. The corners come around her and you lock her limbs to her sides, ignoring the scream numbing your ears. Her legs cycle up in the air and she tries to bite, to claw, anything, but you wrap an arm tight around her and pull her to yur chest. Her screeches still ring in the air, and her attackers have fled. You don't care. You are rocking on your heels, swaddling a hysterical cat troll against your chest and shooshing her.  
"Shoosh, Nepeta, calm." You let your voice reach that low rumble, pressing her head under your chin. Be careful not to hurt her, you know from experience how much guilt that would instill in you.  
The scream dies down to a small wail. She's crying, pushing her horns up into your chin as she shakes. You keep up the shooshes, rocking her. She's only a child, a little girl. Her wailing only further upsets you, and you shoosh her gently before loosening your grip to rub her back. Her arms instantly unpin from her sides and are thrown around your neck and- Damn. She's shaking so much. It's all you can do not to show how insanely angry you are, and just hold this little girl and rub her back and shoosh her softly.  
Her head butts into your chin again instinctively, sniffling now, and when you glance down her horns are being offered to you. Taking one in your fingers, you rub along the base until you feel her sigh, and the tension washes out of the both of you as she sags against your chest, rubbing her face into your shirt and most likely getting it wet and messy with tears and mucus. But you hardly care. You only want her to stop being so incredibly terrified and angry. The blanket is wrapped around her and you cradle her into your arms and stand up, still stroking the almost velvety amber horn. She mumbles a bit in protest, but tucks into you closer and doesn't peek out of your arms, even when you start walking.

Feferi opens her mouth to squeal, but you give her a sharp, pleading look, and her lips clamp together. God, you love those lips, but they aren't your concern at the moment. Setting your blanket bundle on the table, you carefully untuck your little oliveblood's face and murmur for Feferi to bring water. From the corner of her eye you see her nod professionally and leave your line of sight.  
Nepeta is shaking, staring at you and around at the surroundings. Her hair is stroked, horns rubbed, and shooshed softly until she relaxes and watches you. Feferi returns with the water and some soft towels, which you use to sponge away the green blood smeared on her cheek and neck. She's cut everywhere, her hair is matted, and she's thinner than a pole. You order Feferi to prepare a few things, and she nods a bit and kisses your cheek to remind you you aren't at work. Oh, yes. This was not the clinic. But she leaves and you are left with a droopy-eyed troll who is looking nervously at the floor.  
"Nepeta." Her eyes flick up to you without moving her head. "You're safe here. This is my home. I needed to get you somewhere safe so I could make sure you aren't hurt." Her eyes glaze, then her face twists, wrenching your heart. Curse them all as fools.  
"Are you going to make me a lapcat?" No. Of all things, no. Your brows knit as you frown, and you cup her cheek in your hand.  
"No, Nepeta. I will never make you a lapcat. I only brought you here to clean you up, because I was worried." She doesn't look completely convinced, but she trusts you, you can tell, as she relaxes and leans forward a bit to allow you to continue your care.  
With Feferi's help you manage to wipe the blood and dirt away from her face, though she hisses when you suggest a bath. The morning. You can press that issue in the morning. For now, you focus on how droopy her eyelids have gotten, and you scoop her into your arms and carry her to the living room, where you tug the many many patterned pillows off of the cushions and lay her down.  
She sinks into them with a luxurious sigh and curls up with her head on her arms without another word to you. Laying a blanket over her, you smooth back the hair curled over her forehead and stand to join Feferi in the kitchen for a much needed talk.  
"Equius, she's so cute! But I wasn't expecting-" You cut her off, holding up a hand.  
"I know. I hadn't planned to bring her so soon, if at all. She was attacked, though, I had to get her out of there." Her lips press together.  
"Oh... That's awful, do you know what by?"  
"A pair of teenage boys. I didn't catch their faces." You growl "I should have given them a piece of my mind." Feferi pulls you down into her arms.  
"No, if something had happened, I wouldn't want there to be repercussions to you. I'm just glad you're safe, and little Nepeta is safe, and you're both home where I can keep an eye on you." She gives a cheeky little smile and takes your hand.  
"Now you've done quite enough for one night. I believe we owe it to ourselves to go to sleep now." You open your mouth to protest, but she darts in with a kiss that silences you, like every time. You allow the tiny woman to drag you to your bedroom, only giving a single glance to the newest addition to your home. You'd have to tell the others tomorrow, if Feferi hadn't already filled them in... But the thoughts were already slipping away as your girlfriend, your lover, your confidante, your partner, pulls you to her and clicks the door shut with her foot.

This is only the beginning of a lifelong adventure, after all.


End file.
